Lost in Faith

Passion is potent. It literally creates eternity or at least in human experience 7 years for Jacob felt like nothing because of his passion for Rachel. Thus, time flies while you’re having fun! Passion that extremely and ultimately soaks every cell in our body can actually bend time.

It appears that passion also contributed to Jacob business acumen, he was very successful. Unlike the lazying effects of “amoure”, Jacob’s capacity expanded because of his passion. His creativity and management skills were enhanced rather than become absorbed in his love life!

It seems passion has some downside as well. What condition would a man have to be in to go to bed with a woman and not know who she is! Can you spell PARTY! It may be a bad rap but in the same vain passion might be blamed for lowering our discernment level. At the end of the seven years Jacob was ready to celebrate one well deserved orgasm! Unfortunately it was not with the women he hoped! Was he asleep at the wheel? Or did passion cloud his judgment so that he partied a little to hard. So hard that he couldn’t even recognize the person he was making love to. Do you know people who have such a firm grip on things in one area of their life and in other areas are just the other side of idiot! Jacob’s one of those, and painfully, so am I!

I am not even sure if I could fit into Jacob’s category. I don’t know any area that I have a “firm grasp.” I am hopelessly addicted to mediocrity. There are times when I wonder–

I lead a slow growing church
I haven’t had a crisis of faith, sexuality etc
No one sees me as the next “Guru.”
I am a plodder with a dying imposter that wants to be that “GURU.”

Father, you know the confusion that permeates me. The consistent call to walk in the CHAOS is the only certainty in my life. The self confidence that I once had in my 20’s and 30’s has escaped leaving only a fascination with uncertainty and mystery.

My leadership genes were developed in an era when leaders manufactured certainly, recipes, formulas and guaranteed success. The years have deprogrammed me! At times it seems cynical, at times realistic but mostly something resonates deep in me that mystery and uncertainty have drawn me closer to the heart of my Infinite, Terrifying but Good Aslan.

Father, I don’t bring much if anything to the plate but to the plate I come. I will show up until you take the breath from my life. What you do with me at the plate is yours.